Lost For Words

I really am, no doubt about it. When I first saw this, I was literally speechless. When one represents one’s company, uses the title “Quality Assurance Analyst”, and puts together a training video with the ambitious name of “Flight Academy”, one is expected to provide a service that customers can rely on.

The impression that deplorable excuse for a training video gives me is that either the guy has got no bloody idea about the game he purports to be offering guidance on, or he’s a malicious twat with a ganking alt.

You see, the very WORST mining ship to take out mining in high-sec is a Covetor. Gankers love them, they really do. There is nothing good about a Covetor for mining in high-sec; nothing.

The second worst thing to do is mine ice in high-sec. The ice belts are a ganker magnet. They’re sparingly distributed in high-sec, easy to find and a literal paradise for griefers.

Then CCP go and encourage new players to take the worst possible ship, into the worst possible place, for what?

Tell you what, CCP. Try this instead.

Do up a special page that pops up whenever a potential customer Googles Eve Online. As soon as this page pops up on their screen, a hand comes out of the monitor, and smashes them over the head with a horned helmet. Before they can recover, another hand joins the first and gives them a wedgie, then takes their coffee and dashes it in their face. Just before they can log out, a deep Scandinavian voice bellows, “Velcome to ze real world you little panzee, come to Eve and ve’ll smash your face in!”

Naturally, you record the whole thing and link it to their Facebook page afterward, so as many people as possible can laugh at them.

Seriously though (or was I being serious?), what the hell were they thinking when they put this abomination out there? Some have tried to excuse it, by saying he wasn’t recommending a ship, or a fit. Then why not have the new ice mining frigate on the video instead? Why use the one ship you should never use?

Gevlon Goblin thinks it’s proof positive of Goon influence; a CCP staffer cultivating new victims for CODE and Goons to gank. However, one should never go the full Gevlon, I know that.

Is it possible that CCP actually believe the crap about people staying in Eve longer if they’re blown up? I could probably get statistics to show Iceland as the world’s most popular swimming destination in winter, with enough time and imagination.

I did this post up on the quick, just to give a shout out to CCP for making possibly the WORST training video I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

If it’s actually to troll victims into the game (possibly the worst idea I’ve ever come across from a supposedly serious gaming company) then 10/10.

If it was meant as an actual piece of kindly advice to customers, I suggest the next one might be aimed at getting more people to take jump freighters into null-sec, I expect MoA would appreciate the boost in content.


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