Art For Arts Sake

Sometimes, yes, only sometimes, CCP bewilder me. They are apparently improving their game with a radical new system. They listen to their player base, and then they implement changes with that feedback in mind. Brilliant, isn’t it? And to think, it only took 12 years to come up with it!

Okay, sounds really good. I can’t help but feel, though, that they may not quite have the hang of it, yet. I understand, really I do. It must be very hard to shift your mindset from “Stuff dem, vot do dey know?” to “Please keep vit playink der game and stop leavink!”

Now, I’m not a lurker of the (shudder) Eve-O forums, but I speak to a lot of players every day who do scan sites, use combat probes to track down naughty people, and look for wormholes.

Never once have I heard someone say, “I wish CCP would change the scan probe interface and make it so that I have to re-learn the entire thing.” I should imagine, in fact, that it’s right up there on the popular things to ask for list just above “I wish someone would give me a full-frontal lobotomy and stuff a thermonuclear device down my throat.”

In fact, I’ve heard no complaints about the scan probe interface since they changed it a while back. That was a good change, the ability to set an automatic grouping for your probes pleased me especially.

Imagine my consternation, then, when a naughty person was trapped in our system by our PVP’ers after they blew up his friend, and I undocked my trusty Helios of Doom (Mk2) and launched combat probes. I then brought up the map, hit my scan window and…

couldn’t find my probes. I mean, I could see them, they were still on grid with me. I could see them in space, I could see them on my overview. In fact, those probes were everywhere, I was even getting complaints from people three systems away about how visible my probes were. BUT they stubbornly refused to appear on my map.

At this point I did what every good 30Plus member does in a crisis; I started pissing and moaning about it on comms.

“Ah!” someone in Mumble replied, “You need to (can’t remember what now, press a button or something) to bring up the map.”

“But I’m looking at the map,” says I, getting very agitated.

“No, no,” says he, “Not that map, the other map.”

So I did what he said (still can’t remember) and, sure enough, up came another map! On top of my previous map, but smaller and less convenient. And, lo and behold, there were my probes! Oh what joy and felicitations did I pour upon my lovely corp-mate (Not really, it was Captain Ramius, and he’s a git).

Now, to scan down this naughty per… oh, never mind, he’s chicken logged. Having missed out on blowing up said naughty person, I engaged my British birth right and started to complain like a pensioner at a night club.

“Well, why don’t you just opt out of it, then?” came Ramius’ reply.

“I can opt out of it?” I asked.

“Sure,” says he, with all the smug off-handedness he could muster, “Just hit escape and un-tick the box under general settings.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me this before?” I asked, in a steadily rising falsetto.

“You never asked,” came the smart arsed reply, “You wanted to know how to bring up the map.” I told you, he’s a git.

So, off to the escape menu I go, find the tick box to un-tick this wonderful new feature, and dream of the kill-mail that was never to be.

Now, listen here, CCP. I don’t mind the mini-game I have to play by wiggling my mouse over the launcher to see the progress of my download for the patch to fix the patch that buggered up the previous patch to fix the patch before that. Neither do I mind when the tracking camera takes a sneaky dose of downers and reacts slower than a Toyota Cressida full of old ladies on their way to the bowls club in the outside lane of the freeway. I don’t even complain one teensy weensy bit that, after six years, I still can’t return my drones to the drone bay with a hotkey, even though you’ve had more “Feedback” on that one than Obama’s had on his healthcare initiatives.

What I do mind, is when you take a perfectly usable mechanic, such as, ooh, I don’t know, the scan probe interface, say? And bugger around with it for some random Scandinavian alcohol induced reason.

May I humbly suggest that, in the future, you introduce these “New Features” in less of a house-brick-to-the-face fashion? Maybe by making these wonderful new additions an opt in, rather than an opt out feature?

On a side note, I heard one of the best bits of 30Plus comms comedy I’ve heard in a while yesterday.

Scene is Corpus Sharkie, in a Rattlesnake, supposedly joining us on a gate to intercept some naughty people two jumps away.

Corpus Sharkie – Okay, let’s stop buggerizing around and do things properly, shall we?

(short delay while he takes another swig of cucumber gin)

Corpus Sharkie – FC, this is Corpus Sharkie, I’m in (system) on the gate to…somewhere…hang on…

Me – (system next door)?

Corpus Sharkie – That could be it.

FC – Are you on the gate?

Corpus sharkie – Yes, I’m looking at it.

FC – Okay jump through and join us in (system 2 jumps away).

Corpus Sharkie – Okay, it’ll take a while, though. I’m 20k off the gate. Ooh, there’s a red person with me here.

FC – How far off the gate are you?

Corpus Sharkie – I’m getting closer to it now.

FC – Everybody approach the gate. Sharkie is now bait. Sharkie, are you engaged?

Corpus Sharkie – Yes, he’s a red person.

FC – Everyone jump through and warp QC.

Corpus Sharkie – I can’t, I’m still too far away from the gate.

FC – No, no, not you, Sharkie. Hey! WTF? He’s in here with us!

Corpus Sharkie – Oh yeah, he’s not here, now. It’s okay, I’m all good now. Thank you.


The funny thing is, when neutrals see a few of us on a gate in combat ships, they actually think they’re the ones in trouble.


2 responses to “Art For Arts Sake

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