Players (BB31)

As any games journalist would probably tell you, a true and complete review of a Massively Multiplayer Online game is impossible. MMOs are vast, forever evolving entities with too much content for a single reviewer to produce a fair and accurate review. However, a collection of dedicated bloggers and EVE players (past and present) with a wide range of experience in various aspects of the game might be able to pull it off.


This special ‘End of Year’ Blog Banter edition aims to be a crowd-sourced game review. Using your gaming knowledge and experience, join the community in writing a fair and qualified review of EVE Online: Crucible. This can be presented in any manner of your choosing, but will ideally include some kind of scoring system.


With each Blog Banter participant reviewing the areas of EVE Online in which they specialise, the result should be a Metacritic-esque and accurate review by the people who know best.

I’m not famous (within my limited circle of friends) for being conformist. In the spirit of that non-conformity, this is not about the game. Describing Eve to someone who doesn’t play it already can be likened to explaining cricket to Americans – for the love of Mike, DON’T try it.

As an interesting side note, our old corp’s TS3 had The Cricket Channel, specifically for Aussies, Kiwis and Pommies to hide from the Yanks while we discussed cricket. We don’t need any such facility in Veggie Warriors, the few Americans we do have know better than to interfere in any serious discussion as to why the Kiwis are so God awful at cricket.

What I intend to do here for the thirty first Blog Banter, is to expand on the types of people who populate our pixelly internet spaceshippy Universe. Thus the imaginary interested ones who read this drivel can ascertain for themselves as to whether they should investigate further or bugger off before they explode in a cloud of game rage and tears.

This is a complex and difficult task that I intend to mismanage to the best of my ability. Complex and difficult because even the social borders of the Eve Universe are extremely hazy.

Consider this, for example – High sec war deccers. Most who populate high sec are regularly hassled by these folks and would straight away imagine a fat masturbating 13 year old in his Mum’s basement picking his nose while stopping them from going about their daily business.

Certainly, from the outset, this would seem to be the kind of game occupation that such a person would enjoy. Except that many high sec war deccers are not that kind of person at all. Neither are Ninja salvagers. Neither are can flippers. Neither are suicide gankers. In fact, successfully running these occupations takes patience, good technical knowledge of game mechanics and split second timing – our fat basement dweller is not going to be big on any of those things.

What about miners? are they all bots? I can tell you quite emphatically that they are not. Are they all unimaginative dimwits who enjoy sitting drilling asteroids for hours on end? Nope, wrong again. We have two guys in our corp who run five accounts, miners both. Both mine right through Hulkageddon every year with all five toons and neither has ever lost a single Hulk. Quite an achievement for an unimaginative dimwit, when you think about it.

Mission runners? Well, it’s how I make my ISKies, but intelligent people do it too, I know a few. One is a sixty two year old financial adviser for a company that puts together multi million dollar financial deals. Stoopid? Uh uh, definitely not.

Null sec dwellers? I know of one who is a retired Navy Seal, causing mayhem on a daily basis for anyone silly enough to get in his way. Another I know is a forty something factory worker with three kids who has an enviable combat record which he keeps adding to while mining, trading, hauling and ratting; all at once.

Low sec? Wormholes? Industrialists? Traders? Scammers? Haulers? Mercenarys?

Choose any area of the Eve universe you like and you will meet the most incredibly surprising people. Executives will laugh along with factory workers, Uni students with retirees, business owners with the unemployed.

This incredibly beautiful game straddles all the worlds social niches without blinking, so it’s not about a certain social bracket, then.

So who really shouldn’t play Eve? That is a really good question – glad I asked it.

I would think that the unimaginative would not last too long. It would seem youngsters don’t generally enjoy it. We have a sixteen year old in our corp, but he’s not on much because he’s well on his way to becoming a fighter pilot in real life, which speaks volumes about his not fitting the general profile of people his age. The impatient type will not get on with the skill queue thing very well at all. The dull witted will struggle with the complexity and complicated playstyle.

So, it would seem that we of the Eve universe are more closely aligned to the misfit label than anything else.

Interesting, very interesting. I’ve always been a misfit. Not a big socializer, I absolutely hate being near crowds, except when I’m behind a drumkit. Others I know of in Eve aren’t like me as regards socializing, though, so that’s not it. I must admit that everyone I know in Eve is … well … unusual among their social bracket.

What do you think? could this be the answer as to what kind of people we are searching for to join us in our mad universe?

The puzzling question as to what the hell kind of people would like Eve may simply be that and nothing more; we want misfits. I’ve read the words weirdo and freak bandied around with regard to us capsuleers, however I think that’s a generalisation, not to mention a bit insulting, really. Too many of us are well educated and mature in everyday life to bear such labels.

There is something very different about pod pilots though, a certain something in our mental makeup that defines us.

That’s why I can’t review the game, it’s why we all struggle to compile this incredible universe into any sort of meaningful terms. Every BB31 I’ve read so far sees the author struggling with the concept. That’s because Stan has thrown us a curve ball in asking us to review the game called Eve Online.

It’s not the game.

It’s the people.

It’s all in the mind, you know.


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