Patch

So I was reading the patch notes for the upcoming “escalation” tonight, and I thought up the following and posted it on the corp forum. I thought it might give the guys a giggle or two. Then I thought it would be good enough to share with the wider Eve community (no insult intended toward those in the community who are on the wider side, I assure you):

Patch notes – the real story

I have managed to get a copy of all the hidden changes that are coming to Eve Online, the ones they don’t want us to know about! Keep this to yourselves and don’t go posting it on the forums … Oh, wait …
SHIP MODIFICATIONS

• All Gallente ships to be fitted with rear vision cameras – to monitor the enemy while retreating.
• Caldari cruisers and frigates to be fitted with handbag racks.
• All camera drones to be removed from Amarr ships – God will tell you what’s happening.
• Minmatar ships to have more realistic in flight effects – in warp, you will now be able to see bits falling off.

CHANGES TO NOTIFICATIONS

• When engaging warp drive, Gallente pilots will be told – “Turn around and fight you cowardly bastard, you can have some wine and cheese afterwards!!”
• When enemy ships appear on overview, Caldari pilots will hear – “Okay darling, now keep yourself together; it’s time to put away the rubber flashlight, make sure the fingernail polish is secure and start spamming the missile launch button.”
• When asking for docking permission, Amarr pilots will hear – “Mate, I’m really busy right now and I’m not really interested in your magazines.”
• When about to jump through a stargate, Minmatar pilots will hear – “Are you sure about this? You remember what fell off last time, don’t you?”

CHARACTER CREATOR IMPROVEMENTS

• All Gallente jackets will now have a yellow stripe down the back. Moustaches contain cheese crumbs and have red wine stained edges.
• Caldari male characters will have two new permed hairstyles with pink highlights.
• Amarr males have been given an added air of superior smugness, Amarr female heads are now completely covered (ugly ones have a paper bag).
• Minmatar characters now have a scalable amount of drool coming out of the corner of their mouth, the eyes have been adjusted to give a slightly more mentally unhinged look.

COMING TO THE NEX STORE!

• A new Gallente beret will soon be available. Female clothing items will include suspenders, stockings and a peephole bra.
• Caldari will be able to purchase My Little Pony playsets for their officers quarters, along with a pre lubricated rubber flashlight.
• A complete range of self flaggelation whips will be available for Amarr males. Amarr females get nothing – why would they get anything?
• A new mini wheelbarrow will be made available for Minmatar males, for improved freedom of movement and testicular comfort.

I hope everyone has a good patch night,  may you be blessed with an ample supply of alcohol to pass the time with, see you on the other side o/

Individuality (BB35)

The Public Perception of EVE Online

Now approaching its tenth year, the EVE Online player community has matured into an intricate and multi-faceted society viewed with envy by other game developers, but is frequently regarded with suspicion by the wider gaming community. Is this perception deserved? Should “The Nation of EVE” be concerned by its public identity and if so how might that be improved? What influence will the integration of the DUST 514 community have on this culture in the future?

[Unrelated and random bonus question sponsored by EVE News 24: What single button would you recommend be included on an EVE-specific keyboard?]

Let’s get the button thing out of the way. Launch drones, nuff said. I won’t drone on (BADOOM BISH!) about why the hell there’s no shortcut to do this already, there bloody well should be – right clicking on the drone window is NOT a shortcut.

On to the meat of this month’s banter: our community in Eve.

I don’t like the fact that my car has an engine. It’s noisy, smelly and wrecks the environmentally sensitive wotsits which means the cyclones flood the deserts and my ice cream melts, or something like that.

It also means I have to keep putting fuel in it, for which the local service station takes my money. Which means I have to pay to go to work, something I think is a bit strange; seeing as how I get paid to go to work – but whatever.

If my car did not have an engine, though, it would not be a car, now would it? The inclusion of an engine is a necessity for my car to do what it does, which is to get me to work; something for which I am unlikely to forgive it anytime soon.

So, what has this to do with our lovely, cosy little community within the pixellated realm of New Eden?

This – Should “The Nation of EVE” be concerned by its public identity and if so how might that be improved?

Should I be concerned that my car has an engine and that many an environmentalist hates me because it does? As soon as those same environmentalists are happy to pay my rent, food and taxes I will joyfully never set foot in a car again.

The community of Eve Online is what it is because of its nature; a single shard universe where anyone can be anything they like. That is its blessing, it’s also its curse.

True, I cannot just undock my freighter in Amarr or Rens (I don’t go to Jita – sorry Mittens) and toodle off to make a sammich while I auto pilot to wherever I like, because freighter pilots know that stargates are like Kansas trailer parks – Tornadoes love ‘em. I also can’t happily undock my Mach and rat my little heart out whenever I like, because there’s a neutral cloaky fag in local most of the time, and his mates in Bops BS’es are never too far away. I also well know that any one of my corpmates could turn around tomorrow and empty the corp hangar and walk off with billions in assets, if the mood took him.

While those scenarios are very real and indeed everyday occurrences in New Eden, they are made possible by the very same mechanic that allows me to put a cloaky fag alt in enemy space if I feel like it, to enjoy the trust of my corpmates that I will not steal something they have given me access to and to travel for two hours straight without seeing the same people twice.

You simply cannot have one without the other.

Those in the wider gaming community who despise Eve because of its lawless nature; its toleration of ganky, scammy, piwatey scum and villainy, are like the tree hugging tofu eaters who hate my car. Their ideals are noble, but not in any way realistic.

If your game is going to be a free running single shard universe where anyone can do what they want, it’s going to end up with its fair share of the aforementioned nasty, semi sane naughty people.

A caution, though. If those same pony loving, butterfly chasing, idealistic dreamers get their way with New Eden, it would die. It would become dull, predictable and BORING! Just like many of the plethora of other MMOs out there.

So, my answer to that first question is simple; NO! It should not be changed to gain acceptance by the wider gaming community. There are plenty of other games that have died after trying to become more “mainstream” and “acceptable”. CCP should definitely NOT be concerned by Eves public identity at all. The nasty underbelly of our game is the same as the engine in my car, noisy, smelly and bad for your health. It is, however, a necessary evil. Eve simply wouldn’t fulfill its purpose without the freedom that allows the scum to flourish.

The very nature of New Eden AS IT IS is the reason that: Now approaching its tenth year, the EVE Online player community has matured into an intricate and multi-faceted society viewed with envy by other game developers.

This will only remain true for as long as the pony huggers do not have their happy happy joy joy way with our dark and unforgiving universe.

As to this question:  What influence will the integration of the DUST 514 community have on this culture in the future?

My answer is short and sweet; hopefully, NONE.

Or, if CCP remains true to the Eve Online philosophy, it may just be that we see the inverse happening. Thus this last question should maybe read; What influence will this culture have on the DUST 514 community in the future?

Fade to sinister laughter …

 

Super

Why would I want to spend years playing Eve, endlessly training up skills and grinding up ISK so that I can sit in a big thing?

What is the use of this big thing? Well, I could wait for the day I press the wrong button and don’t have a big thing any more, I guess … but that seems kind of pointless, really.

Apparently you can rat in a big thing and earn big ISK, but if I’ve already GOT a big thing, why do I want big ISK?

So I can get another big thing, you say? Then I would need another toon to sit in that big thing, ‘cos I’m already sitting in a big thing with my other toon. I guess I can buy another toon with the big ISK I’m making with my first big thing then I’ll have the toon to put in my second big thing. Then with two big things I can make twice as much big ISK as I was with one big thing …

This is going nowhere, is’nt it?

In reality, you need to be the kind of person who likes having bigger things than everyone else. That’s not me. Definitely not me.

However, there is still a reason for big things to be out there. Big things can kill lots of little things … for now. So if you are on the field of battle and a big thing turns up, you will lose your little thing fairly quickly.

People with big things don’t like losing big things. People with little things don’t mind losing them, at least not too much.

But the people with big things are making damn sure they will never lose their big things to people with small things, no matter how many people with small things there may be on grid with them.

There was someone who is in charge of a lot of people with little things who until recently was succeeding in getting things changed so that big things could be killed with lots of little things (something he has at his disposal) until he made a whoopsy in public and the people in charge of all things said this was a big thing while others said it was a small thing. However the people in charge of all things said, no, it was definitely a big thing and that was that.

Now that the someone in charge of lots of people with small things is no longer in a position to get things changed so small things can kill big things, the people with big things are happy to see that small things can still be killed by big things and small things still can’t kill big things.

For now.

However, things can change …

Pain (BB33)

Like mana from Valhalla (yes I know I’m mixing my religious metaphors), the latest Dev Blog by CCP Legion asks questions which make for perfect Blog Bantering. To quote him “…we want to make the first days, weeks and months in EVE enjoyable and not just something ‘you have to plough through in order to get to the good stuff’” and the newly formed Player Experience team will focus on “…where and why people lose interest in EVE…”.

“We invite you to pour your heart (or guts) out and tell us what you think is good or bad with the current new player experience and what you think could be done about the problems.”

 I’ve iterated on this point before, but I believe it bears repeating.

Eve loses many of the right type of new players, not through the complexity of gameplay, not through the lack of good tutorial (this could be better), not through the lack of levelling and standard MMO achievement markers like it, but through the presence in the game of arseholes.

If a new player is lost through the other aforementioned things, chances are that player was never going to stay anyway. Short of changing the game completely into something much more generic, childish and dull, Eve has no capacity to retain these kinds of people. Long may that be so; WOW, SWTOR and LOTRO await them with open arms.

So, newly formed Player Experience Team, you want to know “…where and why people lose interest in EVE…”; here’s your answer – your problem is arseholes.

What kind of arsehole am I talking about? I mean, there are so many arseholes in Eve it’s not funny. Suicide gankers, corp thieves, can flippers, ninja’s, scammers, high sec war deccers, botters, RMT’ers, Goons, the list seems endless. All these kinds of people get joy from the game of Eve by relieving someone else of theirs.

Yet, these arseholes are a necessary part of the very fabric of the Eve universe, they make it what it is; and I, for one, want them there. Take them from the game and it would be altered irrevocably and become something other, something lesser.

All this is of no great detriment to the new Eve player who is the right kind of player. He (or she) will take a bad experience from one of these kinds of arseholes on the chin. Sure, they’ll rage, may even go missing for a few days; but they’ll stay in the game.

There is, however, a particular kind of arsehole out there that you need to remove, or at least remove their ability to do what they do.

This next bit is vitally important, Player Experience Team, you really need to do this.

Get yourself to one of the starter systems – errrrmmmm … you do actually play Eve, riiiiight? Oh good, that’s a relief. I thought for a minute you were taking the attitude that a University degree was of some kind of value as opposed to having experience in the actual product you’re trying to improve, hehe, silly me.

So, when you’re in a starter system, go sit outside the station for a minute. See that ship sitting next to the yellow can there? Yeah, that’s the one. It’ll usually be a Gila, or a Sliepnir, or a Damnation or something like that. His name is probably Captain Uberdipshit, or something along those lines.

In the words of the American mechanic: THERE’S YA PROBLEM! – THERE is ”…where and why people lose interest in EVE…”.

See the way another three year old toon is asking newbies to “help me with a mission, I’m stuck”?

THERE’S YA PROBLEM!

Now, fly out to an asteroid belt where the newbie miners are getting their first taste of real tedium. See the 2005 guy just about to can flip that 3 hour old char?

THERE’S YA PROBLEM!

There is a special kind of arsehole in Eve, the real dirty kind. They’re not very well, mentally speaking. They are ruining the new player experience of people who may not necessarily be the wrong type of person at all. They are doing it on a daily basis, with virtual impunity and loving every minute of it.

By denying people the chance to have just a week or so of game experience without the sudden mind jarring experience of being ganked, these creatures are drastically reducing the amount of potentially long term players getting through to a point where they are ready to enter New Eden proper.

I’m not sure this is going to penetrate the beauracracy, putting it all like this. Okay, let’s put this in terms that the folks who matter at CCP are bound to understand:

THEY’RE COSTING YOU MONEY!!!

There, that should have stopped the accountant staring down his secretary’s blouse for a minute or two.

That’s right, my little bean counter. The money you get from the real griefers who target brand new players does not balance against the loss of potentially long term subs from all the prospective players they are removing from the game; just so they can have a few lulz before Mom tells them it’s bed time.

So, what can you do to ensure you get that bonus and keep the secretary in low cut tops this year, Player Experience Team?

Put in place some kind of mechanic that denies an experienced player the ability to grief a brand new player up to a certain predefined point in game time.

There have been plenty of potential cures for this aired in previous blog banters and other blog posts – you do read player blogs, riiiiight? … Oh good, I thought you were maybe, like, “what the hell would they know, they only play the game every day”, and that would be a really, really stupid attitude, you know, hehe.

Now, doubtless some will argue that Darwinism is why they do what they do. Fine, if they are happy to behave like monkeys, bully for them.

Just a little point on that though.

Eve was most undeniably created, it did not evolve from computer goo after a power spike. Anyone who wants to argue that point, I’m sure CCP’s legal department will happily see you in court.

Therefore, Player Experience Team, you have special, creative power.

I suggest you use it, before you end up in amongst the next 20%.

TL;DR – EVE-griefers=GP gain>GP loss=achieved KPI’s=happy Hilmar>GFC.

it’s all in the mind, you know.

Ratting

WARNING! Fairly long post ahead, verbal Diarrhoea aplenty. You’ve been warned.

The efficiency with which I manage to completely miss what I’m aiming at never fails to amaze me. I am convinced if I aimed a gun at a barn I could shoot myself up the arse quite capably.

So I decided a while back that the reason I don’t enjoy PVP is because, if I’m honest, I’ve never really done it that much. Fair enough too. So, as I have iterated here in the past , I decided to take drastic action and join a PVP training corp in low sec. To get half decent at PVP, that was my aim, and an excellent idea it was, too.

So I’ve been in the corp about two weeks, getting kills and generally having a ball in low sec, when it’s announced that we’re going on a road trip to null sec. Fair enough, no problem with that – kill some people in null sec instead of low sec, sure.

Except we’re not in null to PVP, we’re there to rat. This was NOT what my aim was, if I remembered correctly. Seems our senior corp is busy shooting and being shot at in a war campaign, so we’re keeping up the ole’ sec status for them by ratting their havens and such for them.

Now, the thing is, I’ve done this. Lots of it. It’s bloody boring. Fly in, stop. Kill everything, scan next one, rinse and repeat; as the old saw goes.

I did this for a few evenings and watched the wallet fattening up, nothing like it used to, ‘cos I don’t have my Machariel with me, just a T2 fit Maelstrom; but definitely making good ISKies.

Chased a few neuts around and helped kill a Domi who obviously wanted a ticket out the quick way, unless sitting on a hostile undock on your own in null sec is some new tactic I’m not familiar with.

There’s been good opportunities to get to know my corpies a bit better, which is invaluable when you’re trying to settle into a new corp and get past the “he’s prolly a spy” stage.

There’s also been some unexpected entertainment provided by our head instructor, who was the first to lose a ship to rats, quickly followed by three more, all Drakes.

Upon asking why he was so glum the night before last, he replied, “I’m mourning my fourth Drake loss.”

“Come on,” says yours truly in my best encouraging tone, “it can’t be that bad, you must be getting used to it by now.” I think I may have lost some Brownie points with him there, he seemed a touch miffed at my attempted encouragement. I really need to work on my political correctness a touch, I think.

Anyhow, I was getting bored with the whole process of doing something I had done a thousand times before, in a much better ship, in a much faster fashion and I was getting fed up. Fast.

Until I hit upon an idea. What if I was to turn the ratting trip, with all its attendant repetitiveness, into a PVP training trip?

How? I’m glad I asked.

By putting away the Maelstrom and undocking in a Hurricane instead. Now I can hear all the conventionalists howling, “Drake, Drake, Drake!” However, I would ask you to hear me out.

I agree, the Drake is indeed the battlecruiser of choice, due to its battleship sized ubertank and ability to throw missiles at things a long way away, where they can’t hurt you back from.

I got to thinking, however, of the Minmatar philosophy; you know the one, launching yourself down a staircase on an office chair with an Uzi in each hand, screaming incoherently and firing indiscriminately.

I thus decided to try out a different approach, something different. Of course in the manner of good sales and marketing people everywhere today, first I had to come up with a suitably edgy and funky title for it. Thus it was that I used something I coined during a conversation one day and bestowed upon an old friend of mine, who now wears that same term proudly as a corp title.

We all know about shield tanking, armor tanking, hull tanking, speed tanking and signature tanking.

Now I have come up with a new form of defense, in honour of my aforementioned buddy, it’s called Face Tanking.

The thinking behind face tanking is simple. They cannot do DPS to you, if you’re literally zooming around inside their cargo bay. Incredibly, it works.

Don’t believe me? Don’t blame you, really. It’s really a load of bollocks, but I thought the name was pretty good. In actual fact, it’s a combination of speed tanking and signature tanking, with a bit of shield tanking as a get out of jail free card.

Basically, it’s a shield rigged 425mm Autocannon fit Cane with a Nosferatu (Medium Diminishing Power Drain) and cloak in the high’s (cloaks just in case of unwelcome visitors), Afterburner2 & Large Shield Extender2 and Med shield booster with hardeners in the mids, Damage Control2, Gyrostabilizer2′s and Tracking Enhancer2′s in the lows, plus 5 light drones of whatever flavour works best.

Now, before any EFT warriors start poking holes, poking fun or any other pokey type behaviours, (in my best American voice) just let me say this: it works. Really, really well.

Soloing hubs in fairly rapid fashion with 10 mill ISK + bounty ticks kind of well. And I haven’t lost one yet. Errrmmm … probably shouldn’t have said that …

By comparison, our chief instructor and slayer of Drakes does 8 mill ISK bounty ticks in the same hubs, with better skills than I have.

There are some cautions here, though.

First, remember how I said I was wanting to get PVP training while ratting? Hmmm? Well, now I do. Because the only way to use this fit to it’s full potential (and without dying horribly) is to fly it manually, with the ship zoomed out a fair way. Which is what PVP’ers tend to do, or so they tell me.

So here’s how it works: you fly in to the hub at about forty or fifty clicks distance and straight away turn on the afterburner (it’s cap stable without the repper on) and fly in towards the structure at a good angle, keeping your transversal up as much as possible (make sure you have your transversal velocity on in your overview). Use your drones to start killing the senty guns and launchers first (they really hurt), followed by the frigates and then the cruisers. Use the AC’s as soon as you know you’re going to do decent damage (for me with all medium AC skills at 5 it’s about 30k using -50% range ammo). All the time you must adjust your angle of approach to keep your transversal at optimal. During this initial approach is the only time I sometimes need the repper running, then I use the NOS on the battleships to bump the cap back up.

From here on in you stay as close to the structure as possible, flying in such a fashion as to maximise transversal on all the remaining BS’es, going from one to the next and face tanking them by staying at 500 to 2,000m away from the one you’re currently shredding.

One thing I must stress, DON’T, – FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS MINMATAR -, STOP! – if you do, your death will be swift and spectacular. This means turns should not be so tight that you lose too much speed, and you must avoid collisions with structures and ships at all costs. This gets pretty complex once the BS rats start to split up and it takes a lot of constant double clicking in space. I always have the next target in mind as I adjust my direction, as soon as the current target pops you should already be on your way towards (sort of) the next one.

If this sounds like madness to you, that’s cool. Don’t do it then. Grab a Drake and go get a coffee and donuts between spawns. If you want to be clenching your butt and chewing your nails while ratting, however, I cannot recommend this highly enough. As I get more practice, I set new goals for myself. I can now do the entire hub from start to finish without using the repper at all, most times. I have gotten one 11 mill ISK bounty tick without a faction spawn and in the last few I was having extra fun by flying in between the structures.

The big thing for me is that manual flying is becoming second nature, and I’m actually enjoying ratting for a change. I’m also learning to get faster at turning the ship, engaging and disengaging mods, switching targets and trying to lose as little speed as possible.

Is it as much fun as PVP? No, of course not. There’s no unpredictable behaviour from rats, it’s like fighting the civil service, really. The rats don’t hot drop you, switch targets or suddenly bugger off if they’re in danger of dying. It is, however, much more fun than ratting in a BS, or a Drake or four, for that matter.

It’s all in the mind, you know.

Sutch

The old saw goes, “Art imitates life”. I’d like to point out that Eve Online does a fairly good job of imitating life too.

The sandbox environment tends to bring with it all vestiges of meatspace, as players adjust things according to their wishes; unknowingly blurring the boundaries between pixels and reality. Unfortunately, not all the baggage that crosses the threshold is necessarily of any benefit to the game populace.

So it is that we are standing at the threshold of election time in Eve. Yes, even after thousands of years in outer space, politicians somehow conspired to survive. We may have weapons of all kinds at our disposal, but somehow the pesky things have tenaciously hung on and even managed to convince a percentage of us to take them seriously.

Now, though, politics in New Eden just got even more real. How? Let me explain.

In the real world there are a surprising number of people who think that it still matters who you vote for. They take politics seriously; yes, you heard me right. They actually believe that it makes a difference which one of the two or three groups of puppets they elect to the illusion of power; subsequently spending inordinate amounts of time debating and mulling over which puppet will make life slightly more of a mirage of comfort and prosperity for them.

Not everyone is of that mind. In fact in England (for the American readers, that’s the big aircraft carrier you have moored off the coast of France … what? Oh, France is in Europe … what? Oh, pretty big place to the left and up a bit from Iraq), there has existed since 1983 a dedicated political party which stands in the elections there called The Official Monster Raving Loony Party, founded and led for many years by a gentleman by the name of Screaming Lord Sutch.

The idea of this party is not to get elected, oh no. The idea is to lampoon the living hell out of the running candidates and underline the inherent idiocy of beauracratic democracy. Their official political position is “sitting, facing forward.” As was stated by one of their co-founders, “it’s the ones who don’t vote you really want, because they’re the ones who think” (emphasis mine). Incredibly, they have garnered some rather impressive results at times, along the way bringing entertainment and giving much pleasure to those who take a more cynical view of the party preferred electoral process.

So, as we face the coming storm of concerned, committed, caring, electioneering bullshittery by the candidates of New Eden, it was with great pleasure that I read last night of the stated intention to run of our own Screaming Lord Sutch.

Yes, MINTROLIO is standing as a candidate! Read all about it here - http://mintrolio.wordpress.com/

Doubtless with the caps lock button superglued down and spellcheck resolutely turned off, he will festoon the campaign with MUHC GOOD POASTIGN!

 He has already shown good political savvy by emphasising his desire to improve secs for everyone, even those who want a better life with zero secs. Nice to see he thinks of the married gamers too.

I can only say a great big thank you to our favourite semi literate goat farmer for bringing some insanity to what is otherwise a dry, dull and spectacularly boring political process. I hope all the other candidates take serious note of this development. There is the very real possibility of a goat in the seat next to you on the flight to the land of treelessness.

Why?

Because it is my experience that, quite unlike the real world, New Eden has a considerable population of “the ones who think” (emphasis mine).

It’s all in the mind, you know.

Lowlife

Where to begin?

I’ve been so busy in game and in meatspace, I have had bugger all time to write. Bit of compensation is in order then, no?

I finally decided to pull Blastie out of my old corp, which is now being put into hiatus while most of the guys are off playing LOTRO and SWTOR, neither of which appeal to me in any way. Matter of fact, outside of Eve, I have yet to try any other game that comes close to engaging my mind in the way Eve does. When my mind needs a holiday and I want some mindless laughs with a few of my mates, I jump onto our Minecraft server, but I don’t last too long.

So, imagine my surprise when I found myself feeling bored with Eve. The question was: what now? Where do I go and what of all my effort and time with my skill queues?

It started with the death of my corp, no two ways about it. We’ve been together as a gang for nearly two years, through two different corps, in null sec and in high sec. We had a ton of fun, an absolute ball. Drove everyone we met mad with our lunacy and complete lack of seriousness, great times.

It didn’t take a genius, though, to see that the party was over. We stagnated, and as we did, we drifted apart. Most of the others left game completely, or now just log in to swap skills up. Couple went to null sec to scratch the greedy bitch itch, couple went to another care bear corp.

I didn’t.

I searched, long and hard. First, within myself; looking for that elusive problem that was dragging me down. It took a lot of fiddling around, but I found it. Something I’ve heard about so many times, but dismissed as not my thing. That thing was -

Pew. Well, that’s only half of it really. Pew pew. That’s what I needed and I didn’t realise it for so long!

It came to me that, outside of some null bear chase the baddies away they shouldn’t be here stopping us from mining and ratting our way to a new shiny ship Home Defense Fleets, I’ve never really done any PVP. I checked my combat log, not too bad, quite a few ships there; oh, hang on a sec … ah, that’s my losses. Now, let’s quickly move away from that pricey list of stupidity, there! Kills. So my grand total of ships I had managed to get a few shots into before the fleet obliterated it was … five.

Five? In two years of playing this amazing and incredibly complex spaceship combat game I had managed to participate in the destruction of five bloody ships??!!!

As the fat greasy mechanic once said as he held aloft a dead spark plug while he wiped the oil and snot from his face with a tatty hand written invoice with an amazing number of digits in the total column: “There’s ya problem!”

I needed to liven my game time up, by delving into the complex and data riddled world of PVP.

There was an issue though. Pretty big one, too. I didn’t know how to do it. At all. Not a flaming clue. I knew I had to learn, but how?

One of the big training corps? Well, sounded to me like there was a fair bit of politics there, and my confirmed opinion of politicians is that they would make splendid ballast for the sinking and burning ship full of lawyers I’m always dreaming about.

It took a lot of time, but I finally managed to join up with an Aussie PVP training corp that inhabits a particularly busy area of low sec. Permanently war decced and constantly blowing up or being blowed up, this corp is great for me and I have never had so much fun actually playing the game of Eve Online.

Of course it’s all a bit stiff and formal, as you would expect of any new corp, ‘specially after the crowd of lunatics I usually run with. There’s probably a fair bit of suspicion coming my way, seeing as how there’s such a great disparity between my time in game and skillset, compared to my knowledge of basic game mechanics. But time will tell on that one, I’m sure they’ll realise in the end that the only thing I want to gain from them is knowledge.

So far I’ve been on a freighter kill (first kill in corp and quite rare, I’m told), a Tengu kill, a couple of battlecruisers and one battleship that robbed us of the killmail by jumping through the gate and getting killed by the gate guns on the other side – git.

One thing that has stood out to me straight away, though, is that training all those ship and gun skills to five has paid off in spades now. I Flew a Tornado for the first time the other day, and I worked out why it’s shaped backwards in the middle. That’s where the guns are, and when you push the fire button the middle bit is going to end up at the back of the ship anyway, so they made it like that to avoid it breaking in two when you opened fire. Plus the ship should realistically fly backwards about 100 km every salvo. Just gotta love that tier three battlecruiser philosophy – thumbs up CCP!

We had our first actual class last night. I gotta tell ya, after two years in game, I was amazed at what I didn’t know. Funniest moment was when we were sitting just outside a corp POS and a WT jumped in. “Break, break, red in system!” I yells, hoping to impress with my little bit of null sec experience.

“Ooh”, says the instructor, “I do hope he warps to us, so I can watch the POS tear him apart and the twelve of us can whore onto the killmail.”

I’m such a damn noob.

We got another class tomorrow night, tactics in gang combat, hopefully they will go over how not to shoot your mates while you rep your enemies.

Plus I have yet to lose my first Hurricane, I brought three down with me, all fitted up. Gotta happen soon. Prolly when I jump into a gate camp, that’s where I always lose my ‘Canes.

Hope you got those BPC’s researched!

It’s all in the mind, you know.

Security

I’ve really been enjoying all the blog banters this time around. While my own contribution could best be described as a vitriolic rant, it did get me thinking (whilst not a popular pastime in my country, some of us do it from time to time as a kind of mental rebellion).

I’ve owned a few businesses in my time, and if there’s one thing I learned it is this; you either grow or die. True, if you have a good business it may take a long time to die; but die it will. While this is not a blanket rule, it certainly applies to the majority of businesses out there.

While we all immerse ourselves in the world of Eve, it’s very easy to forget that, at the end of the day, it’s a product. The other thing we so easily lose sight of is that CCP is a business.

We, the players, are in a symbiotic relationship with CCP. There is no other MMO I would happily go to if Eve dies, not at the moment anyway. So, as committed (most of us probably should be) players, it is in our own best interest to see Eve grow over time. If Eve dies, so do our toons.

Blast Radius1 > watch yourself sunshine

Ahem, err yes, where was I?

Blast Radius1 > on bloody grid with me, mate, and I’m not in a Noctis

Yes, thank you for that, – anyway.

So, while we may have been trolled mightily with this months banter, it has brought up a very significant point. I am not in the know at CCP, but it doesn’t take a genius (convenient for me) to see that increasing new player retention past the trial period must be a priority for CCP.

Our bantering community seem fairly unanimous that non-consensual PVP is, for new players, a major stumbling block. It would seem, in fact, that it is a major contributor to people quitting within the trial period.

Some have argued that such “weaklings” have no future in the game anyway, but I must strongly disagree with this. Some people are able to adapt quickly to a given situation, some never adapt. There is, however a third group; those who do adapt, but at a slower pace. With Eve as it stands, I would argue that many of this group don’t adapt quickly enough, although with a bit more time they could have.

If I had a moment of CCP’s time I would spend it pointing out that particular bracket of customers to them. Mainly because I believe it is a VERY large group  indeed!

Those who adapt quickly and those who don’t adapt at all are the two smaller extreme groupings. The group that occupies the large area in between have to be much greater in number.

We spend so much time talking about what defines an Eve player; but very little time, comparatively, defining how someone becomes an Eve player.

Interestingly, I’ve seen the same thing with musicians. So much credit is given to “talent”, while its poor cousin “practice” is given only passing credit. In my teaching years, I came across so many students who wanted a recording contract after learning one groove that it drove me to quit in frustration. Some of my fellow teachers were quite happy to take the parents money for giving little Johnny the same lesson for six months, but it just seemed like theft to me.

Yet, I have worked with musicians who have become successful without a lot of initial “talent” but they have compensated for that with a ton of practice. (Incidentally, anyone who claims they have succeeded on talent alone are bloody liars, I’ve never met anyone successfully plying a music career who didn’t practice.)

Getting back to internet spaceships, analyzing the formative process of an Eve player is vital to then bringing about a situation where the making process has a greater success to failure ratio than the current set up. After reading many banters it becomes obvious that this would have to include paying greater attention to the non-consensual PVP aspect.

To me, the obvious answer is to implement some kind of protection for new players, that gives them a period of gradually diminishing protection from the non-consensual PVP that hungrily awaits them out there in the wider game universe.

This should start with absolutely no chance of PVP at all, and the way I am inclined to go with this is the protected starter system idea.

from that point on there needs to be a way to allow the player to gradually introduce themselves to the wider universe at a largely self set pace.

One suggestion was to make PVP avoidance linked to the security status of the solar systems (I cannot agree with those who have suggested any kind of “off switch” for PVP, this is wide open to exploitation). There would also need to be some kind of exception to prevent mining and ratting exploitation ( in 1.0 & 0.9 systems especially). One idea put forward that seemed good to me was some kind of linkage to ship types, faction and T2 ships being excluded and possibly anything bigger than a T1 cruiser also unprotected. Anything T2 fit was also suggested as excluded.

I must emphasise, though, I am NOT endorsing any kind of system where players older than, say, three months, should be afforded any kind of potential protection at all from non consensual PVP. Carebears are fine by me, as long as they Carebear by way of self protection only.

There are many holes in all this theory, actually a string bag analogy comes to mind; however CCP has the skillset and manpower to implement some kind of system that works.

Of course, with the next CSM being a null sec bloc dictatorship, CCP will probably need to grow a pair and remember if new subs aren’t steadily growing, it will likely cause the death of their flagship product, and it is highly unlikely the likes of  Mittens & co. will even pause on his way out of game to say goodbye.

The benefits to doing something about the large group of people who come and go far outweigh the slow stagnation and inevitable death of what is really “our” game.

It’s all in the mind, you know.

Loss

No, I didn’t lose a ship, it’s worse than that. (sadistic sods)

I am a reader of many good blogs and a few great ones. I’m hoping to develop enough ability to have a good blog myself one day. This, however, is not about me.

There are many types of blogs out there, pirate blogs, ninja blogs, low sec blogs, high sec blogs, null sec blogs, industrial blogs, wormhole blogs, the list is endless. There are standouts in every genre of Eve blog, for one reason or another.

However, there is for me only a handful of blogs which I get excited about when I see a fresh post in my reader. Excited enough to put down my hot milo and sit up a bit straighter to savour every word.

One of those was always Mord .

Anyone who ever enjoyed the insightful null sec political summaries, the rapier wit and the now legendary “Fever Dream”, should wander over to Fiddlers Edge and say thank you and goodbye.

He’s pulled the pin on us before, so I live in hope of his triumphant return, maybe a comeback tour and a greatest hits album?

Whatever happens, it’s a loss to the blogosphere that will be hard to ignore.

It’s all in the mind, you know.

BB32 Safe?

This month’s Blog Banter comes from Drackarn of Sand, Cider and Spaceships. He has foolishly chosen to poke the hornet’s nest that is the non-consensual PvP debate. Whilst you read his question, I’ll be finding a safe place to hide.

“A quick view of the Eve Online forums can always find someone complaining about being suicide ganked, whining about some scam they fell for or other such tears. With the Goons’ Ice Interdiction claiming a vast amount of mining ships, there were calls for an “opt out of PvP” option. 

Should this happen? Should people be able to opt-out of PvP in Eve Online. Should CONCORD prevent crime rather than just handing out justice after the event? Or do the hi-sec population already have too much protection from the scum and villainy that inhabits the game?”

Brace yourselves, I am about to say something that will stun you rigid.

I am a two year carebear. I’ve carebeared in high sec a lot, I’ve carebeared in null sec quite a bit too. I’ve done some PVP in null and now, as a member of a PVP training corp I’m learning to PVP in low sec (shudder). I will still carebear when I need to grind ISKies, and the last thing I would want is for someone to gank my mission boat and put me behind the financial eight ball.

 I hate high sec war decs, they’re a pain in the arse, as are ninja’s, can flippers and the wanker that won’t shut up in local about “needing some help to finish his mission” – stupid git (Actually, that’s not fair, he’s not a stupid git, he’s looking for a stupid git).

So, do I think there should be an “opt out of PVP” option in Eve Online?

NO!

PVP-free Eve is an oxymoron that is right up there with Military Intelligence, American ingenuity or Australian culture.

I like the fact that Eve is not really safe anywhere. I liked it when I’d been playing Eve for a week and I love it now.

I don’t want to undock my level four boat safe in the knowledge that unless I screw up really badly (always possible), I will be docking up again in that same ship guaranteed.

If there absolutely has to be a PVP free zone somewhere in New Eden, please, please, please, just make it four small areas based around the training systems. I guarantee you would never see me there and it probably would improve the 14 day fail period a bit.

When you walk out of your front door to go for a quick walk (that should get some hard core gamers shaking) to the local shop (just open your curtains and look, that’s called “outdoors” and it has these places called shops), are you absolutely guaranteed safe? Is it not possible that some loser in a hoodie is going to want your money (in a fairly non-consensual way) at some point?

We have heard it said before that “Eve is real”, by some nordic people who have a thing about trees, or the lack thereof. Well, it wouldn’t be very real at all if our carebear butts were teflon coated, now would it?

So what would it be like if New Eden suddenly became all peaceful and luvvy duvvy in high sec, just like it definitely isn’t in other parts of our pixelly universe?

Freighter pilot? No problem sir! Just push that little button (it would probably be bloody tiny knowing CCP) there and all the nasty people in their tier 3 BC’s won’t be able to hurt you. Now push that equally tiny little button marked “A” and off you go to watch some porn and we’ll see that your fifty billion ISK cargo arrives all safe and sound in the station before you can even wipe the soap off.

All of a sudden the gates would be jammed with Russian freighter bots trying to get into Jita and the fifty million ISK price tag for the cargo has been deflated to ten by the time it gets there.

Let’s not forget mission runners, bless their little officer fittings. Overnight the rats would be decimated by a thousand botGolems and their botNoctis buddies, with systems lagged to buggery by the sheer number of tractor beams going off.

Aaannndd the MINING!!! Oh the mining that would happen! Mex would be under 1 ISK and Trit would be bloody FREE!!

NO! No no no no no no no, nope, never, ever, uh uh, negatory nada just bloody FORGET IT!

All the things that stand Eve alone as unique in the gaming world would crumble around us. In would flood the ten year olds all picking their noses and yelling “NOOB!” every five seconds as they rat and mine their way to where they think the boss level might be.

Please put this subject back where you found it Drackarn, and don’t start giving the Vikings any ideas.

It’s all in the mind, you know.